Grace and Henry both became newly single after their spouses died, and their wisdom and openness has led to a thrilling sex life
How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously
As told to Kate LloydSat 12 Oct 2024 07.00 EDTShareGrace, 63 I enjoy the ritual of getting ready when he comes over on a Friday night: a long shower, lotion, things you don’t tend to do in a long marriage
Henry is the first person I’ve slept with since my husband of 34 years. We had a happy relationship – three sons and a good sex life. After he died a few years ago it was like I’d lost all desire for sex. I had no interest, but felt sad that a part of myself that I’d enjoyed was gone.
In February this year I decided I was too young for that to be my final relationship, so I downloaded a dating app. I wasn’t expecting much, but then I saw Henry’s profile. He’d lost his wife and had three sons, like me. We met at a wine bar and had a strong connection. He invited me to his place. I said mine was closer.
I had never slept with anyone on a first date – not even my husband. I was nervous. Would it be awkward? Would he need Viagra? Would I have issues with lubrication? I had saggy parts, and I felt overweight and vulnerable. But it was lovely. We kissed on the sofa, and then went to the bedroom.
Grief has made me more in the moment. Now I think, let’s have sex on the first night, let’s have sex all Sunday morningWe’ve been seeing each other for six months now, usually every weekend and once during the week. I enjoy the ritual of getting ready when he comes over on a Friday night. I take a long shower, put on lotion – all those things that when you’re married for a long time, you don’t tend to do.
We have sex several times a night, and I always have a lot of orgasms, which is new for me. I’m much more open with him than I was even with my husband. I think I was more reserved in the past.
Early on, we talked a little bit about our sex lives with our spouses. Fairly quickly, I decided I didn’t want to do that: when he talked about his late wife I couldn’t help but make comparisons; I also didn’t want to have grief come into this wonderful new relationship.
Grief has changed me. I’m much more in the moment than I ever was. I was always the good person: taking care of my kids and my parents, and working hard. Now I think, what the hell: let’s have sex on the first night, let’s have sex all Sunday morning. Why not? I’ve learned that life is fleeting. Henry makes me happy and the sex makes me happy, so why not have fun?
If you’re keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate.</p>","prompt":"Share your experience","displayOnSensitive":false,"elementId":"3502021b-787c-49a7-848a-eec6982f94d9","title":"","isNonCollapsible":false,"formFields":[{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"first_name_of_partner_one","id":"130148364","hideLabel":false,"label":"First name of partner one","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"first_name_of_partner_two","id":"130148377","hideLabel":false,"label":"First name of partner two","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"length_of_relationship","id":"130148365","hideLabel":false,"label":"Length of relationship","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"contact_number_or_email_address_of_partner_one","id":"130148455","hideLabel":false,"label":"Contact number or email address of partner one","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldBase","name":"contact_number_or_email_address_of_partner_two","id":"130148456","hideLabel":false,"label":"Contact number or email address of partner two","hidden":false,"type":"text","required":true},{"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutFormFieldRadio","name":"do_both_parties_agree_to_being_contacted_by_a_journalist_from_the_guardian","options":[{"label":"Yes","value":"Yes"}],"id":"130148458","hideLabel":false,"label":"Do both parties agree to being contacted by a journalist from the Guardian?","hidden":false,"type":"radio","required":false}],"_type":"model.dotcomrendering.pageElements.CalloutBlockElementV2","tagName":"series-sex-lives","activeFrom":1701129600000,"id":"e456a9fe-7476-4595-8ef8-70f3a87b8c41","calloutsUrl":"https://callouts.guardianapis.com/formstack-campaign/submit","formId":4949791},"pageId":"lifeandstyle/2024/oct/12/this-is-how-we-do-it-weve-rediscovered-the-lust-of-our-teenage-years-in-our-60s"}”>Share your experienceIf you’re keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate.
Please share your story if you are 18 or over, anonymously if you wish. For more information please see our terms of service and privacy policy.Tell us hereYour responses, which can be anonymous, are secure as the form is encrypted and only the Guardian has access to your contributions. We will only use the data you provide us for the purpose of the feature and we will delete any personal data when we no longer require it for this purpose. For true anonymity please use our SecureDrop service instead.Show moreHenry, 62 I’ve been amazed at just how natural it has all been. But I think having had a long, successful relationship gave me confidence
I remember, after my first night with Grace, thinking to myself: wow, welcome back to the land of the living.
It had been a hard few years. My wife died in 2022 – we’d been together for 35 years. She knew for the last nine months that she didn’t have long left.
After about a year alone I started to think, “Maybe I’m ready to meet someone else”. I made a dating profile in February. Grace messaged me within a few days.
Grace told me some of her friends thought she was crazy, taking me home on the first date, but it felt reasonable. I did think: should I get some Viagra? But it turned out to not be a problem. We started slowly and after half an hour it was really good.
We have sex a lot: three or four times a day. Apart from being really enjoyable, it reassures me that I’m not dead yetIt’s been six months now. We have agreed that we don’t want to live together. I think living apart makes things exciting. Every time I’m going to see her, I get a feeling of anticipation and nervousness. It feels that, at the age of sixtysomething, we’ve had the opportunity to start again, with the lust of our teenage years, but all the wisdom we’ve acquired since.
We have sex a lot: three or four times a day. We’ll start off on the sofa and then head for the bedroom. I’ve been amazed at how natural it has all been. Before meeting my late wife, my dating life was unsatisfying. But I think having had a long, very successful relationship gave me confidence that I hadn’t had before.
It makes me really happy having Grace around. I think about her a lot when I’m not with her. And the sex, apart from being really enjoyable, reassures me that I’m not dead yet. When you reach our age, you’ve got a choice: you either start slowing down and getting old or you have to head off in a different direction. This feels like that: an entirely new chapter of my life – maybe even a new book.
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This is how we do it- ‘We’ve rediscovered the lust of our teenage years in our 60s’
